In Overeaters Anonymous (OA), we sometimes joke that when you recover, “you feel better”—but not in the way most people think. You feel anger better, you feel sadness better—every emotion you used to suppress now arrives in high definition, whether you like it or not.
Before recovery, I abused food as a way to suppress my emotions. I avoided truly feeling—whether those emotions were positive or negative. Without food to smooth out the highs and lows, I often found myself feeling uncomfortable.
One phrase I used frequently, both before OA and long after, was: “I feel fat.” Whenever I said it, I would immediately look at my body—my thighs, my stomach—and convince myself that my feelings were justified. Even after I entered recovery, lost over 100 pounds, and maintained that weight loss for more than five years, the belief persisted. I still felt ugly, inadequate, and unworthy because of my body.
To work on my self-esteem, I applied to a local women’s clinic to become a body image presenter. Once accepted, I completed a 12-week course on the psychology behind body image—why we struggle with it, and how to overcome those struggles. One of the most powerful lessons I learned was simple but profound: Fat is not a feeling.
When I say, “I feel fat,” I am actually experiencing a deeper negative emotion. The course encouraged me to listen to my words, pause, and identify the real feeling. Over time, I realized that this phrase was my way of masking shame, rejection, inadequacy, and failure. Instead of addressing the true emotion—like embarrassment, for example—I would amplify my suffering by telling myself I was ugly and worthless. My body became the scapegoat for emotions that had nothing to do with weight.
Today, when I catch myself using that phrase, I pause and examine what’s really going on. Sometimes, I can move past the feeling quickly. Other times, I need to talk it through with someone. If the emotion lingers, I document it in my step 4 or 10 inventory.
I cannot afford to hold onto shame, remorse, anxiety, or fear. Saying “I feel fat” only distracts me from the real issue and compounds my suffering. Those unresolved emotions fester, and if left unchecked, they could become reasons to turn back to food for comfort.
But I know better now. I allow myself to feel. I let myself sit with sadness, process anxiety, and navigate discomfort.
Because fat is not a feeling.
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