After the deep emotional work of Steps 4 and 5, it’s natural to hope for a clean slate—a sense of lightness, clarity, or even relief. And sometimes, we do feel that. But more often than not, the process stirs up layers we didn’t even know were there. Recovery isn’t about flipping a switch; it’s about peeling back what no longer serves us, one honest layer at a time. That’s where Step 6 begins—with the willingness to keep going.
🌿 Step 6: Willingness, Not Perfection
There’s a good chance you still have a lot of negative thoughts swirling around in your head. That’s typical. The difference between someone with long-term spiritual recovery and someone walking through this process for the first few times is simple: with time and awareness, we begin to recognize those thought patterns and behaviors sooner. We see them for what they are.
So if you felt like you let go of something during your Step 4 and 5 work, but it keeps coming back—don’t judge yourself. That makes you human, not a failure.
Now that we’ve established that no one does this perfectly, and that we’re all gloriously human, let’s turn to Step 6:
“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
Let’s take a cue from the Big Book. It spends a lot of time on Steps 1 and 2—the first four chapters, in fact. Step 3 gets about two pages. Step 4? Around five and a half. Step 5 gets a couple more. And Step 6? Just one paragraph.
The hint here is clear: don’t linger too long. This step is meant to be considered, acknowledged, and used as a launching pad. The deeper work happens in Steps 8 and 9.
If you’ve completed Step 5 and feel either delighted or at least more at peace than when you started, then it’s time to move forward.
💫 Willingness Is Indispensable
So what’s the difference between admitting a character defect and being willing to let it go?
In Step 5, we admitted our baggage out loud. In Step 6, we become willing to release it. Admission sounds like:
“Yup, there it is. I see it clearly now—and it’s been weighing me down.”
Willingness says:
“I see it. I’m asking God—or the universe—to take it. And while you lift these old ideas and thought patterns from me, I’ll practice being aware and take steps to reframe my thoughts and respond differently.”
Of course, we won’t be perfectly mindful all the time. That’s not the point. The point is to be willing to practice as well as we can.
🧠 What If I’m Not Willing?
Ask yourself:
Is there a part of me that still believes, “This one isn’t so bad,” or “I need this one to cope”?
If you’re not willing to let go of something, the Big Book offers a simple solution:
Ask for willingness.
Over the years, I’ve heard OA members say they pray for “the willingness to be willing.”
I’ve wrestled with what that really means. I’m not trying to be dismissive, but sometimes I wonder if it reflects a misunderstanding of the first five steps. Because if I’m unwilling to even consider being willing to let go of negative thoughts and behavior patterns, then maybe I haven’t fully grasped how deeply those things are stealing my joy.
Or maybe I’m simply content with how things are. Either way, unwillingness to even consider Step 6 tells me I’m not truly ready to go to any lengths for victory over my addiction.
And that’s when it’s time for some tough love with myself:
Am I in, or am I out?
If I’m in—but still clinging to something—I might say:
- Please let me be willing.
- Let me see how this is stealing my happiness.
- Let me see how this hurts me or others.
- I won’t worry about the stuff I’m still holding onto—but I’m willing to let go of the rest.
🚪 Don’t Get Stuck Here
Step 6 isn’t a place to camp out. Don’t get stuck in semantics or self-doubt. This step is meant to be a moment of clarity—a leap of faith. Step 6 is a doorway, not a destination. Walk through it and trust that the real transformation is already in motion.
In my next post, I’ll explore what drives us to hold onto certain behavior patterns—and how we can begin to loosen their grip.
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