Where Step Four Ends, Step Five Begins
When we recognize that our struggle with compulsive eating is twofold—we can’t stop once we start, and we can’t stop ourselves from starting—it becomes clear that we are powerless over food. From that honesty, the path forward opens: we need a power greater than ourselves to guide us, rather than our self-will.
Step Four helps us uncover the patterns and beliefs driving our behaviors. But without further action, that awareness remains just information. Real transformation begins when we stop observing and start surrendering the ego (self-will) that kept us stuck.
The Case Against Self-Will
If you believe all this, then it becomes clear—self-will has to go.
In Post 19: Hard Truth, I wrote:
“The definition of self-will is ‘the quality of obstinately doing what one wants in spite of the wishes or orders of others.’ I haven’t worked with anyone who wants to admit they’re not in control or haven’t done a good job. I didn’t want to either. I like to see myself as a nice person—not obstinate.”
This is where the rubber meets the road. It’s no longer just about writing our truth in private—we now speak it aloud. Step Five asks us to own every twist of character, not to shame ourselves, but to burn off the lies the ego has fed us.
Framing the Step: A Life or Death Errand
We begin by telling the person we’ve chosen that we believe this is a “life or death errand”—one that could determine the quality of our emotional and spiritual life.
In 1998, at over 300 pounds, I was alive, but I wasn’t truly living. At the time, I didn’t consciously frame it as life or death, but my willingness to act said otherwise. Later, my Big Book sponsor, LC, helped me truly accept the seriousness of my addiction—and I embraced it.
Alternatives to the Phrase
If “life or death errand” doesn’t sit right, try alternatives like:
- A matter of emotional and physical survival
- A relentless cycle that robs me of joy, health, and connection
- A destructive pattern that feels impossible to break
- A serious issue that deserves the same compassion and commitment as any other addiction
- Or simply: “I don’t believe this is a life or death issue, but I’m willing to do it because others have recovered through this step.”
Don’t get stuck in semantics. Either you’re willing to go through with it—or you’re not. In my experience, those who fixate on the language often walk away from OA and continue the cycle of food abuse.
At every step, we have a choice: Will I proceed or stay stuck? The key is discerning whether it’s fear or addiction doing the talking or if this is truly a process you don’t believe in.
How I Share My Inventory
My first inventory took two sessions at around two hours each—so be prepared for a long discussion. When I share, I go across the sheets, not down the columns like when I wrote them. Here’s how I approach each section:
🟥 Resentment Inventory
- State the name, principle or institution involved (column 1)
- Offer a 1–2 sentence blurb for context (column 2)
- Identify which part of self was affected (column 3)
- Spend most of time sharing what I learned in columns 4 and 5
- Confirm I said the resentment prayer (column 4)
- Say honestly whether I’ve been able to let it go (column 4)
- Name where I was selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or fearful (column 5)
- ***Note*** You will know if you have not let something go yet if you find yourself talking about columns 1 & 2 for longer than a minute.
🟨 Fear Inventory
- State the fear
- Acknowledge I relied on myself and that it didn’t work
- Confirm I said the fear prayer
- State what I believe my Higher Power would have me be
🟩 Conduct Inventory
- Share everything across the page, fully and without censorship
A Promise and a Question
The Big Book says:
“Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted… We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.” (p. 75)
In truth? I’m not always delighted at the end. It depends on what I’m facing. But I do always feel lighter, more at peace, and more connected.
When I mentor someone, we read that paragraph together and I ask “Is that true for you?”
Honesty Over Perfection
If you don’t feel delighted right away, don’t judge yourself too harshly. Relief and healing often show up quietly and grow over time.
Step Five isn’t about perfection—it’s about honesty and willingness.
Building a Solid Foundation
Afterward, we set aside quiet time to reflect on the work we’ve done, grateful for a deeper connection with our Higher Power.
We reread the first five steps and ask honestly “Have we missed anything?”
We’re building a foundation for a free life—and it needs to be solid.
If something still weighs on you, write it down and pray over it. I’ve sometimes needed to write a second inventory and share it again. That’s not failure—it’s commitment to healing.
Uncovering and discarding what no longer serves us is a process. It takes time.
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