If I am going to recover from this seemingly hopeless addiction, I must shift away from resentment.
Resentments When I Have Been Hurt
“An offense is an event. Offended is a decision.” – Steven Furtick
I need to reconsider how I allow others’ words and actions to affect me. While I may feel justified in my hurt, I must recognize that choosing to be offended only deepens my unhappiness—and could ultimately lead me back to abusing food.
The reality is, when I dwell in resentment, nothing actually happens to the person I am upset with. They don’t feel my pain, but I do. The negative cycle continues:
- Giving someone a piece of my mind might bring momentary satisfaction, but it often leaves me with shame for how I acted.
- The silent treatment rarely affects the other person—most won’t even notice, and if they do, they often won’t understand what caused it, meaning the situation is doomed to repeat itself.
- Gossiping might damage their reputation, but it also damages mine. People recognize gossipers, and they remember not to trust them. Worse yet, I feel guilt for acting without integrity.
Resentments When I Have Caused Hurt
“I am responsible for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you understand.” – don Miguel Ruiz
When someone reacts negatively to something I’ve said or done, I must evaluate my actions and take responsibility for them.
- Unintentional offense – Even if I didn’t mean harm, the way I expressed myself may have been insensitive. I need to be mindful of the language I use.
- Speaking too close to someone’s wounds – My words may unintentionally trigger a painful reaction in someone else. While I can aim to be more thoughtful, I cannot control their emotional wounds. That is their responsibility to address.
- Deliberate offense – If I spoke or acted with the intent to wound, I must recognize that this behavior keeps me trapped. I must stop it. The shame and guilt that follow will only pull me deeper into the cycle—and ultimately back to abusing food.
The Weight of Resentment
I ruminate on what others have done to me just as much as I feel shame for the hurt I’ve caused. The Big Book reminds us: “It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.” (p. 66)
When I permit resentment to take hold, I waste hours, days, even years revisiting pain that serves no purpose. If I want to truly heal, I must break free from these cycles and embrace a different way forward.
Leave Comment