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My first sponsor, TS, walked me through all the steps. She may have tried to convey that I needed to continue working on the steps, but it was not something I took away from our work together.
After about 2 months in OA, I was releasing weight, following a food plan, and using the meetings the same way I used my Pay-and-Weigh groups. She and I had finished discussing the book, so what more could I really do?
In April 1999, 4 months in Overeaters Anonymous LC, a member of my home group, engaged a speaker from AA to present a “Big Book” study. That weekend I learned about the history of AA, how the steps came about, and that this was meant to be a way of life. I had heard people say we did not graduate from the program, but until that weekend I did not really understand what they meant.
The thing that hit me the most was how the AA speaker spoke about Step 7.
I am going to over simplify the steps to provide context on how this applies to Step 2 and the acceptance of the idea of a higher power.
Step 1 – I accept the true nature of my illness and believe I am powerless
Step 2 – I understand that I need “power” to recover.
Step 3 – I say a prayer to that “power” and commit to doing the rest of the steps.
Step 4 – I look at the stuff that is running around in my head. This is usually stuff I am angry about, feel anxiety over, might be ashamed of, lies I have been told or tell myself … the list goes on.
Step 5 – I share the stuff I uncovered in step 4 with another person and invite my higher power to the conversation..
Step 6 – Become willing to let my higher power remove my attachments to the ideas, lies and hurts uncovered in my step 4 and 5.
Step 7 – I say a prayer and I give my whole self – good and bad parts – to the higher power of my understanding.
When the AA speaker shared about Step 7, he talked about the difference between humility and humiliation. He explained that regardless of whether a person was religious, agnostic or atheist, in our addiction we believed we held the power as evidenced by controlling behaviors, people pleasing and an unwillingness to accept the past to name a few. The point of Step 7 was to be humble enough to believe I was not “The All Powerful”.
I went home that evening and said the Step 7 prayer 4 or 5 times in a row. I considered each word. I started using the prayer every morning because I loved the line “Grant me strength as I go out from here…” I needed strength to leave home and face the day.
On page 46 of the Big Book the writers suggest that as soon as I express a willingness to believe in a higher power I would start to get results. I did not need to accept another person’s conception even if my own concept seemed inadequate. I just had to use this idea to get through the steps.
I prayed to a “god” I did not believe in for months and was granted freedom from food. It was not until that Big Book study weekend that I understood the amazing thing that was happening in my life and actually connected to that power.
The following Sunday I approached LC to teach me more about the Big Book. He ended up being my sponsor until 2011; I still consider him a mentor today.
When I work with someone who is religious I help them to rely on God. Often they are regularly attending a church and praying, but they do not believe that God will take care of their food issue.
When I work with a person who has been hurt by religion or who is agnostic I give them some ideas to start with, and then give them an assignment to develop the concept they are willing to start with.
I just needed to start somewhere.
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