I heard a few speakers describe the addiction problem and the 12 Step solution by saying we have a physical illness that requires a spiritual remedy.
My experience of being an active compulsive eater was throwing all my best ideas at my problem and not having anything work for any real length of time.
I was a “latchkey kid” in the 80’s. If you are not familiar with this terminology, it essentially means that I had a key to our home and was in charge of locking up and letting myself in because my parents had to leave for work around 7 AM and didn’t get home until about 5 PM. In grade 2 (7 years old) I got myself ready for school, made it to school on time, walked home for lunch, made it back to school on time, and then came home to an empty house.
My mom described me as being generally a good kid. With all this free time and an addiction to feed, however, I started stealing small change from my parents at the age of 8 or 9. When they caught me and this avenue was shut down, I started stealing straight from the store.
My mom and step father both saw how things could go really wrong with me when I started stealing from them, so my step father started following me on some lunch hours to make sure I was going to and from school only. Since I was still going to the store and then pulling out junk food a block away was a dead giveaway that I was still stealing, so I was caught again.
They moved to a different neighborhood and had a friend supervise me at lunch and after school everyday. I still found ways to steal money or junk food though less often.
As I got older and started getting heavier I tried to reduce how much junk food I ate, but by then I had money from babysitting and paper routes and didn’t have to steal. Even though I had intentions to not to gain weight, the fact that I had money and could buy the food was the more compelling thought, so I continued to pick up my favorites.
As I was getting heavier I started shaming myself. Around 13 or 14 I would have qualified as overweight and started being shamed by perfect strangers as well. Instead of giving me the strength to stop abusing, it became a subconscious reason to abuse.
My best ideas were my own made up diets, pay-and-weigh programs and shaming. My own power did not work.
My parents tried to stop my eating by following me, moving, encouraging better eating habits and then finally through fear and shaming. Their power did not work.
Pay-and-weighs gave me food plans and group support. Did not work.
Perfect strangers gave me dirty looks and made comments. Didn’t work.
My experience showed me human power did not work. OA said try a higher power and work through the steps.
I released 100 pounds during my first year in OA in 1998. It is 2022 and I have not gained that weight back.
It has not always been easy, in fact life has been downright uncomfortable and awful at times. What I do is believe there is a power bigger than me and continue to apply the steps to my life to my best ability. I am free from food obsession.
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